Summer solstice, darker than the darkest of midwinter

When on the summer solstice it feels like winter,
all is dark,
the clouds are so dark that they obliterate that light that should mark this day,
everything goes to pots.
i cant pay my rent,
i don’t know if i still have a job to go tomorrow after that sore leg.
Summer solstice, darker than the darkest of midwinter,

No light in all those clouds,
no way forward,
no sign
and what is it that i do want,
do i know that what do i need,
do i know that,
to ignore the clouds and not wanting to influence them.
Those clouds are as dark as the darkest night,
No moon and a power cut has made that night just as the nights used to be before electricity was invented,
when you would stay at home as soon as the lights was darkening.
There was safety at home when that darkness was threatening,
Safe in my little life.

That darkness frightens me. I live through it and am not happy. Too much of it and too dark erasing all the known parameters.
Where does that leave me as a person,
i want light.
But light from the inside,
light that brings a promise,
a promise of a future,
a promise of a tomorrow,
A light like at Christmas,
but in all that darkness, there is no light.
But in all that turmoil ,
all i truly worry about is when i will be able to afford a coffee again.
When will i be blessed by money,
enough and more to spend on myself and the children and my boys.
The darkness that engulfs the summer solstice,
all those attack by terrorists
and the fire in the tower
what does that mean where does that leave me, us
I do not know, trust,
I am not good at trust but getting better.
But that darkness,
I am still safer in my little home for now anyway
and then my eyes will open and
I will see and go into the darkness
That can turn to light with just a match,
with just a switch,
with just a smile.